as long as i breathe, i hope

mliaverage:

Today, I was at my job about to heat up my dinner when I realized I forgot to bring a spoon. I facebooked my boyfriend “I FORGOT MY SPOON!” and went back to work. Five minutes later he showed up, sweaty and out of breath, with not one, but two spoons, because he didn’t know if I wanted a big spoon or a little spoon. I knew we were meant for each other. MLIA

that is damn adorable.

mliaverage:

Today, I was watching Paranormal Activity for the first time, and the people sitting to my right wouldn’t stop giggling. I realized that one of them was someone I know, so I whispered his name in a really deep voice. he got dead quiet for the next 10 minutes, then whispered my name in a frightened and questioning way. I’m pretty sure he’ll have nightmares. MLIA

aaahahaa

thanks so much for the ejaculating peen. that definitely wasn’t an answer i was expecting.

ily2.

anyways,

i still think ;) is dirtier than (;. (; just looks more like a smiley one to me. IDK, everybody else seems to think (; is naughtier.

WHICH ONE LOOKS DIRTIER?

luckypennylane:

i got my ears pierced today. yeah. at eighteen years old, and i finally got them pierced.

i feel so scandalous.

ohoh! you are going with me when i get pierced, oh yess you arreee.

~ abnormal psych prof; on anxiety

i am seriously contemplating on taping his lectures, he cracks so many great jokes. i can never write them down fast enough. ):

~ abnormal psych prof; on most common paraphilias. ie sexual fetishes/disorders

~ my abnormal psychology prof; on pedophiles

i love this class.

except i really dislike the people in it. :K

mliaverage:

Today, in Spanish class we had to talk about chores we do around the house. I meant to say I take care of the family dog (el perro). Instead, I unknowingly said “la perra” which is slang meaning ‘the slut.’ I told my teacher that I feed, bathe and take the family slut for walks. She had to excuse herself from laughing so hard. MLIA

mliaverage:

Today, I was at work and realized a co-worker left her jacket. Instead of sending a simple text saying she forgot it, I sent a picture of the jacket with a ransom note and an attached “Help Me!” note. She came in 5 minutes later to claim it, without the $100,000,000 I asked for, but instead gave me a cookie. I feel this was sufficient payment. MLIA

yerawizardharry:

fuck shallowness,

fuck ‘friends’ that judge you for using drugs,

fuck my gas light always being on,

fuck you being racist then listening to “their” music,

fuck your sympathy needs,

fuck your vanity,

fuck rich bitches,

fuck your parents buying you everything,

fuck your broken morals,

fuck media,

fuck people texting you with ONE word,

fuck emotional mindfuckers,

fuck you,

fuck melted ice cream,

fuck your lies,

fuck your civic,

fuck narrowmindness,

fuck speed bumps,

fuck YOUR EMPTINESS,

fuck your scene,

fuck meaningless lyrics,

fuck not being able to say goodbye,

fuck not being able to say hello,

fuck killing for your ‘god’ thinking its right,

fuck pointless plots in movies,

fuck the law,

fuck you fake fucks,

fuck pain,

fuck being broke,

fuck the people who don’t look outside the box……

(via rickhawk)